Personal Development Archives - Page 4 of 6

The Triangle Of Self-obsession

Posted on November 12, 2019November 1, 2023 by Hassaan Tohid

Anger is a common emotion; we all have been angry at one point or another in our lives. Mostly it is a negative behavior, there obviously is a positive use of such emotion but this is not the subject of this blog today. In this blog I will discuss that when many people are always angry, they just give excuse of their wrong behavior by either saying that this is how I am, or they blame the other person for their behavior and mood.

Anger is described by the experts as the part of the triangle of self-obsession, and I will discuss that with you today. I learned this during the counseling sessions of Alcohol Anonymous (AA), it not just helped me change the substance abuse patients’ thinking but it helped me changed my life as well.

WHAT IS THE TRIANGLE OF SELF-OBSESSION?

The triangle of obsession suggests that there are three emotions that we all carry, and we think that they are normal. However, they are not normal at all. They hold you back and make you their prisoner. We think we are free, but we are not because we are trapped in these emotions. These three emotions are anger, resentment, and fear. Now let’s discuss these three emotions.

ANGER:

The emotion of anger is a feeling we have about the present. When we deny the reality in the present or things are not going according to our wants and needs then the feeling, we develop is called anger. When we are continuously angry, we are self-centered or self-obsessed. That means we are just thinking about ourselves and thinking that we are the most important person and my needs and wants should be met as I want. We tend to forget that there are other people in our lives too and they too have their needs and wants. If we just take time to reflect on this situation, we will realize that we are angry because we are just thinking about ourselves. Anger is not the thing you can get rid of, but you can replace it with love. So, practice replacing anger with love and you will notice your self-centeredness is gone.

Each one of us is important, when we show anger to others all the time, we damage them without even realizing that we damaged other people. If someone is not listening to you, instead of getting angry, try to convey your message with love. You will agree with me later.

RESENTMENT:

The same emotion of anger if it is about the past then we call it as resentment. I once mentioned that in a group counseling session with addiction patients, and one patient disagreed with me and got upset and angry. I told him to calm down and reflect upon what I said, he got back to me in a few days and said, “I thought about it, you were absolutely right, I was living in resentment against my family.” He later thanked me for this suggestion.

Anger and resentment are not different feelings, they just differ in timeline. Remember the same feeling in the past is called resentment. Now, the question is how do we get rid of that feeling? The answer is, by acceptance. There are certain things we cannot change. If someone did something wrong to us, we cannot change the past, but we can accept this reality and forgive the person and change the future. Because by forgiveness we don’t change the past, we change the future. Maybe you are holding resentments, but you forgot that you also hurt others? It’s not always about you, there are other people in this world besides you. We all share this world, and we all make mistakes. Holding resentment shows that you feel you are the most important person and you never hurt others.

FEAR:

The same feeling if about the future is called fear. We are anxious and fearful about what if this happens, what if that happens, what if this doesn’t happen, what will happen to me. It always about ourselves, it’s always about us. If we are engrossed in fear, we are again just being self-obsessed. Finish the fear…. how can we finish the fear? By faith…. if we just have faith in God or Nature, that whatever will happen will be from my God or nature, if bad thing happens that will teach me something, and I will learn. If good thing happens that will be a blessing. If you just keep faith, you will notice the fear will disappear.

CONCLUSION:

Anger, resentment, and fear are the same negative feelings, divided by the timeline. Replace anger with love, resentment with acceptance, and fear with faith.

Dr. Hassaan Tohid

The Power Of Attitude

Posted on November 9, 2019November 7, 2023 by Hassaan Tohid

Zig Ziglar rightly said that, “It is not the aptitude but it’s your attitude that decides your altitude in life.”

I have seen so many people waking up early in the morning in a bad mood. They have the bad energy; you can actually feel the negative energy coming out of them. If you ask them they will tell you different reasons, that probably the boss is not a good person, they are not appreciated, they don’t get paid much, and so many other things. The same attitude is quite visible among many of the students as well; they blame their parents, their siblings, their friend, their university, their college, or anything they come across with.

You will also notice, that actually they have a valid point. They do always get into trouble. They have always been in wrong situations and the bad things happen to them all the time. Why does that happen? Why they really suffer?

THE LIFE IS THE REFLECTION OF YOUR ATTITUDE:

A man once asked another person, “What kind of people live in this area?” The other person replied,”What kind of people you had in your previous neighborhood? He said “I had bad people”. This person replied, “then you will find bad people here”.

This is very true. If you have a great attitude you will see the world as a nice place. You will notice that the majority of the people around the world are nice people. The world is a great place to live. But if you have a bad attitude, you will see the whole world as a bad place to live and you will think most people are bad.

What is the attitude anyways? “The attitude is the feeling about someone or something, that is visible in our behavior.” If we feel other people are bad, our behavior will be bad too and we will be frustrated, angry and upset. We think the other person has a problem thats is why we are upset. In reality the problem is somewhere else,m; it is inside us. If we see most of the world as negative, then it means we actually have a serious attitude problem. If we see the world as a positive place, then we have a good attitude. It is that simple.

Just ask yourself this question, “Are most people in this world nice? Are most people helpful, are most people in this world good?” If your answer is No, then you have an attitude problem. If you think that most people are nice, then actually you are a nice person; you have a good attitude. Observe how do people respond when you suddenly enter a room filled with people? Do they respond nicely? Or they respond to you in a negative manner? This is enough to tell what your attitude is.

It is also possible that people really misbehave with you, and they don’t help you; they don’t like you. Now the problem probably is not with them, the problem is probably with you. You had been showing negative attitude, and people are just responding to your attitude. If you have a bad attitude, you will notice people as bad too, because highly likely they are responding to your attitude. Just change your attitude, start feeling good about people, and you will notice a whole new world. People will be nicer to you, people will almost always respond to your attitude.

I want you to work on your attitude. If you have been into arguments and fights, have damaged relationships, have damaged professional life, and have all sorts of wrong things happening to you. Then I want you to change your attitude to positive and your whole life will change.

Now the question is, how do you change your attitude. The chronic attitude problem is not easy to change, so learn about positive attitude, just type of google and do research what is positive attitude. Watch videos on positive attitude on YouTube; and last of all, spend time with the most positive person you know.

Who do you think is the most positive person you know? Who is the person who is happy most of the time? Who is the person who is nice most of the time? We all know such a person in our lives. Go and spend time with that person and learn from him. The more time you spend with positive people the faster your attitude and the way you look at the life will change. Attend inspirational and motivational seminars, watch motivational and inspiring videos. Read books on positive attitude. Learn to know about your bad thinking habits and change them. Turn your thinking from negative to positive, from pessimistic to optimistic. It is a life long process, because there is negativity around us too, there are negative people around us all the time. Therefore, you need conscious effort to change your attitude to positive. You need to guard your thoughts and attitude all the time by staying away from negative people as much as you can and spending as much time as possible with positive people. If someone has a negative attitude and he is your friend then you need new friends. But if a negative person is your relative, then you of course cannot easily leave that person (although I suggest you do), so remember, you can choose to spend your time with whoever you like. You are not bound to spend time with a negative relative. You can choose to spend time with whoever you like. Spend less and less time with the negative relative; may be just say hi or hello, thats it or not see them at all. There are eight billion people in this world. You can find nice people if you are serious about it. Remember, the life is very short, we will all die sooner than you think. Don’t waste your life spending time with negative people.

CONCLUSION:

Spend time with positive people and learn the positive mental attitude. Adopt the positive attitude and your whole life will change.

Dr. Hassaan Tohid

The One Thing That Makes Your Job Interview A Success

Posted on November 8, 2019July 29, 2023 by Hassaan Tohid

Different people have different suggestions about what you should do in a job interview. Many people focus on preparing for a job interview, many prepare physically, many people just don’t prepare but pray; none of these approaches are wrong. However, what I am saying here today is, that there is one thing that is way more powerful than anything else in the world.

In this blog, I will mention that one particular thing, that will guarantee your success. What is that one particular thing?

THE ONE THING:

I had a patient who came in for his drug addiction treatment. He had a serious criminal background, that made him ineligible to be hired anywhere. He told me his story how he got hired, his story was some what like this.
After he spent his time in prison, he now was looking for a job; no one hires a criminal that easily. He applied for multiple jobs, and fortunately he got an interview call for a customer services representative. He went to the job interview, and his interview went really well. The job interviewers were impressed by his knowledge and skills he mentioned on his CV. They just asked him if there is anything that he wanted to tell them. He replied that he had a criminal background and he had just come out of prison. Now his interview went into this direction, they asked him what was his crime he gave them the detail of his heinous crime (His crime was that serious that I am not able to mention it in this blog due to privacy issue). The interviewers got seriously scared after hearing the nature of his crime and the details he mentioned about his crime.

The interviewers looked at each other and asked him to leave and said if we are interested, we will get back to you. The interviewers called him the next day and asked him to come back to talk with them once again. He went back, they now told him, that “we did your background check, and the details of your crime you mentioned was exactly the same as you told us; you didn’t hide your crime from us. Why didn’t you lie? We were considering to hire you, but your blunt response about your crime made us change our mind.” He replied with an answer that I can never forget. He said, “I have spent my whole life with wrong doings and bad actions. Had I lied to you, I would still be a bad person. But I am a good person now, and I have repented of my sins. I don’t care what you think, I will never lie or deceive anyone. Because my criminal past is gone. I am a new person now. If you don’t hire me, God will provide me something else.”

The interviewers told him, that “We want to let you know something, that because of your extreme level of honesty, we all have collectively voted in your favor and have decided to hire you. Congratulations on getting this job.” Thats how he got the job and he is now living a successful life.

What is the lesson learned from this story? The lesson is, that no matter what happens, always tell the truth, even if it goes against you. You will never be disappointed by the nature’s results. You will always get what you want if you just remain 100 percent honest. It is so common that people lie on their CV a little and exaggerate something to impress the interviewers, and the interviewers know that 10-20 percent on most CVs is exaggeration. Where most people are liars, imagine, if you are 100 percent honest… imagine if you don’t lie at all. You stand out like no one else. You become an unforgettable candidate.

Everyone wants to hire a honest person. We tend to forget that, and we tend to give excuses of our shortcomings in the interview and we lie and make up stories. Remember, it is so easy to catch a lie in a job interview. The interviewers know it immediately, but they will not say it on your face. They will talk about it after you are gone.

Therefore, no matter what happens, if someone asks you why you had this weakness, why you had bad grades, or why were your grades bad, just be brutally honest. And accept your mistake and say I will improve and I will not perform poorly. They want to see if you are a responsible person and take responsibility of your failures or you just blame others. If you blame others and say my university system was bad they deliberately failed me for x,y,z reason, they immediately know that you will bring that blaming behavior with you to their company and you will still perform poorly, because an irresponsible person cannot improve; because he thinks the problem is somewhere else.

CONCLUSION:

Be honest all the time. Even if being honest goes against you. The fastest way to achieve success is by being honest. But if you are not hired and they don’t like you being honest, they are not the right people to work with anyways.

The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Scientists

Posted on November 6, 2019July 29, 2023 by Hassaan Tohid

The great author Stephen Covey wrote one of the most popular books of the 20th century, entitled The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. After reading this book again and again it made me think, that are there some habits that make a scientist highly effective? Therefore, this blog is a tribute to the great Stephen Covey, whose book inspired me to write this blog.

Many young science students aspire to become scientist. However, very few of them convert the dream into reality. Most people with a dream just keep dreaming and never do anything about it. I believe the most common reason is the lack of knowledge and guidance about the research field. Most young students don’t even know the basic habits that the most effective scientists around the world have. Therefore, in this blog I will mention seven habits that make a scientist highly effective and successful in their careers.

THE FIRST HABIT

The first habit of highly effective scientists is the habit of writing. The invest their time in writing something every day. It doesn’t matter what they write, it doesn’t matter if it is related to their fields, they just write something every day.

How do they discipline themselves to write something every day? They have scheduled a particular hour to write. Some scientists have scheduled the very first hour of their day for writing, while some write in the afternoon, or some are like me who write in the evening or the night time. I have my time between 4-6 pm every day or at night 10-11 pm every day to write. How do you think I produce one blog every day? Because of my habit of writing, because I do know that one of the most important habits a scientists have is writing every day.

THE SECOND HABIT:

The second habit that successful scientists have is the habit of reading. They read related to their field and profession every day. Whether it is just a paragraph, or a page, or two to three pages; they don’t waste a single day without reading. To be honest, you cannot write every day if you don’t have a habit of reading every day. Where do you bring the information in your mind to write? It comes because of your reading habit. The reading habit is more important than writing habit in my opinion.

THE THIRD HABIT:

The third habit is the habit of consulting with others. The greatest scientists never consider themselves as the only expert, they consult other scientists and ask for suggestions about their own project. Consulting doesn’t mean lack of confidence, it means they are humble enough to understand that no one is perfect and they have room to be wrong.

THE FOURTH HABIT:

The fourth habit is teaching. Most great scientists have a habit of teaching whatever they learned. The teaching increases their knowledge and it also helps them to share their knowledge with others. They are not selfish to keep the knowledge to themselves but they share their knowledge with the world. Which in turns gives them more knowledge and gives them a good revision of their subject. As Jim Rohn said, “when you teach, people get to hear it once, but you get to hear twice”, because you heard it once before as well. You make your ears hear the message in your own voice.

The greatest and most effective scientists are helpers. They help other scientists grow. They are not jealous and make sure that other scientists also achieve what they have achieved. They don’t hide their habits from others, because they are not insecure and always wish good for others.

THE FIFTH HABIT:

The fifth habit the great scientists have is of thinking. The great scientists think in two ways; the past based thinking; and the future based thinking. They always ask themselves about a how something happened and why it happened (past based thinking), but they also ask themselves how to solve a particular problem (future based thinking).

THE SIXTH HABIT:

The sixth habit that all the great scientists have in common is the habit of working hard. The most effective scientists are never afraid of hard work. They are willing to work in the morning hours, in the afternoon hours, or in the last night hours if needed. They do understand that there is no such thing as smart work only. They know that smart work with hard work produces results.

THE SEVENTH HABIT:

The seventh habit of the most effective and successful scientists is that they are not afraid of anything. They are not scared of writing and publishing their ideas. An ordinary scientist is scared and afraid of writing and publishing his ideas because he is scared of disagreements and criticisms. However, the most effective scientists keep working and producing results, and they keep writing and publishing their findings and beliefs because they are not afraid of what people will say about them or their findings. They are absolutely okay with being wrong. They don’t get offended or feel disrespectful if someone disagrees with their findings and proves their findings wrong. Because they are life long learners and they accept their mistakes and learn from the other scientist who criticizes their findings; because they know that being a human, we all can be wrong. But if the criticism is wrong and unjustified, they forgive the other scientists who criticized them, because they know that we all can make mistakes and we all should be forgiven. This attitude earns them more friends and more helpers who make them more effective and more successful.

CONCLUSION:

Practice these seven habits and enjoy the fruits of these habits. Anyone can develop these habits, it will not be overnight but surely it is possible to learn and develop these habits.

Dr. Hassaan Tohid