Have you ever thought why some people are super confident while some lack confidence and are extremely shy. People who are confident, they know certain secrets that others don’t. Trust me increasing self confidence is possible. Anyone can build self-confidence regardless of age, gender, religion, race, and nationality. However, first we need to know what is the meaning of self-confidence. The word self-confidence means trusting yourself. It is different from self-esteem, which means how we feel about ourselves. Of course these two go hand in hand, if you are a person of low self-esteem, you will have low confidence as well. If you read my blog on self-esteem building, that will surely help you with your confidence as well. In this article however, I will fully focus on the three secrets of building self-confidence that helped me build tremendous amount of confidence and made me the person I am today.
THE THREE SECRETS OF BUILDING SELF-CONFIDENCE
THE FIRST SECRET:
By far the most important secret of building self-confidence is the self-talk. I cannot emphasize this enough that the most important thing is self-talk. Talk to yourself in a nice way, treat yourself with respect and love. Love yourself…..How you talk to yourself determines your confidence level. It is natural to feel down sometimes and to feel the lack of confidence as well. It is normal, but a person who has high confidence he produces the belief in himself by the way he talks to himself everyday. Whenever you feel down or your confidence seems to be lost, I want you to recite this and feel it , “I can do it, I am the best”, “I can do it, I am the best”, “I can do it I am the best”. You have to talk to yourself everyday and you have to say these lines loudly every single day, so your ears can hear it.
How many times you have to say this? There is no limit, I would suggest a minimum 100 times and maximum as much as you can. This may sound funny and some people will laugh at you, but let me tell you that so many people have done this exercise and have built their self-confidence by following this exercise. This is a mental exercise, and life coaches and NLP practitioners routinely suggest this to their clients and hundreds of thousands of clients with low confidence have raised their self-confidence tremendously because of this exercise. I myself do this exercise every day. Trust me, it will benefit you.
If you are lazy and waste a lot of time, your subconscious mind sends a message to your brain that you are a lazy person and cannot do anything in your life. Hence, you start to believe that you are a lazy person and cannot do anything in your life. Because your subconscious mind looked at you wasting time, it will never let you believe in yourself and it will never let you increase your confidence. Therefore, the best solution to tackle this situation is to “NOT WASTE TIME”. Keep yourself busy in purposeful activities, goal oriented activities. Keep learning and keep growing. Don’t sit idol, when you sit idol you damage your self-confidence. You cannot stop your subconscious mind from believing that you are a worthless person and cannot achieve anything in life. Take courses, join classes, read books, exercise, join a non-profit organization and go out and volunteer in some good cause. But never waste time or sit idol.
Make it a mission of your life that under all circumstances, no matter what happens, you will always do the right thing. Whatever your conscience tells you, usually it is a right thing to do. Unless you are a person without conscience (sociopaths).
You don’t need to be a genius to decide what is right and what is wrong. All of us know that lying and cheating and defrauding others is wrong. The right thing to do is to remain 100 percent honest, humble, a person with integrity. Always think good for others, forgive everyone and don’t take revenge. Holding grudges and taking revenge is a wrong thing, the right thing is to forgive. Do the right thing always.
If you cannot differentiate between right and wrong (lets say you are born in a disturbed family of criminals or drug addicts or abusive parents, then it is obviously very difficult to differentiate between the right and wrong). Then you can self learn to differentiate between good and bad, and right and wrong by making it a mission of your life that I will become the best person I know. Ask this question to yourself everyday that am I the best person I know? If the answer is no… then ask why am I not the best person I know yet, and what can I do to become the best person I know. Soon the answers will start to come to you.
Spend time with people who do the right thing and learn from them. Keep doing the right thing and your confidence level as well as your self-esteem will grow remarkably. You will never worry about what people say or think about you, because when you are doing everything right, a person criticizing you and saying bad about you is a person who is not doing the right things all the time, so you are way better and superior than him/her… so don’t worry.
He/she highly likely is the person who does not do the right thing all the time. So why worry? They are bad people, they are mocking you or backbiting you because they are bad people. And you are the good person because you do the right thing all the time. Start doing the right thing no matter what even if it goes against your own self. When you do the right thing all the time, you will automatically know that everything you are doing is right, then you will never need approval from anyone. You will not be bothered by what others are saying about you, because they mostly are not the right people. If a person doing the right thing criticizes you, then shake hands with him because probably he/she has pointed out something you were doing wrong. And your heart and conscience will tell you if that person is right or wrong. If he is wrong then definitely you don’t need to worry about his comments. A righteous person cannot say the right thing as wrong.
Trust me when you do anything wrong, you tremendously damage your self-esteem and confidence.
Working on increasing your self-confidence is a difficult journey, but everyone can boost his/her confidence. It is doable, faster than you think.
Dr. Hassaan Tohid